Nobody Asked You!

I have always been protective of women who have conceived a child outside of marriage or who are single mothers, especially black women. Obviously, I am black and of course I’d be more protective, right? That’s not entirely true though, and I am going to explain why. We live in a world that is constantly putting so much more pressure on women of color and bashing them for doing the same thing other races do. Now, this post is not meant to play the race card. Although, race plays a huge factor in this world. I am writing this post for all the mothers out there who are single mothers or mothers in general.

When people see me and notice that I am pregnant, they automatically look to my left hand. When they notice I am not married, they give me this look as if they are disappointed or they feel bad for me. I typically roll my eyes and keep it moving. When I scroll through social media, I see a lot of posts bashing women, especially black women for having a child outside of marriage. Those post piss me off and sometimes I confront those people who made such ridiculous statements.

I am writing this post today to let those who feel their “opinions” on someone else’s life is valid, that NOBODY ASKED YOU! 

Obviously, having a healthy two parent household is ideal for any child. However, life doesn’t always work out that way. My journey has taught me that it is better to raise my daughter as a single parent, than to raise her up in an unhealthy environment.

People need to realize just because a woman is having a child, doesn’t mean her life holds less value. God already knew that persons path before they were born. He already knew this person was going to be a single parent. However, he loves them anyway. Women become single parents for multiple reasons and it’s not okay for people to put them down for that. Also, let’s be real here. If you’re sexual active, it’s only a matter of time before you are blessed with a bundle of joy.

I was always taught, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. I know, I cannot control what others do or say, but I can encourage another woman to stay strong. When you hear negative things about your life and your decisions, I’m here to tell you to ignore it. Your future is just as bright as anyone else’s. Your child doesn’t take from you, but they add so much more to your life. 

Remember, God doesn’t give you anything you cannot handle.

Keep pushing.

Keep living.

And tune out the negativity.

Until next time, Xoxo

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Crazy Pregnancy Things

My pregnancy journey has been a beautiful one. I’ve had moments where I started stressing out about being able to take care of my child as a single parent at 25, to stressing about if my child would find me funny. I am someone who over thinks and tries to plan everything, so this journey has been very interesting. No one could’ve every prepared me for this and no amount of stories could help me understand the changes that your body goes through. I’ve decided to share some of the things I’ve experienced while being being pregnant with you. So, make sure you check it out below.

  1. No one told me that my belly would prevent me from seeing my lady parts: Whenever I look down, all I see is my belly and there isn’t a way to move it out the way. I find it hilarious when I’m trying to figure out how to shave. It’s nearly impossible and I’m going to have to invest in getting waxed soon.
  2. My hormones have increased a ton: I’ve heard stories about people hormones decreasing and not wanting to think about sex. However, my hormones have been the opposite. I think about sex often, but have no desire to be touched. It helps that I am single and have no need to be involved with anyone. So, I just keep my mind busy.
  3. My back aches: I’ve always had horrible back problems and my pregnancy has made it worse! I find myself sleeping in strange positions to alleviate some of the pain.
  4. I was told I’d have strange cravings: I was told that I’d eat weird combinations of food. However, the only thing I want is beef. I eat so much beef, I think I’m going to turn into one if I don’t stop.
  5. I was told I’d eat more food: Truth is, I don’t. I only eat when I’m hungry and I never get full. It’s very strange. I still eat about 6 times a day, but I am never full. I thought I would eat everything and all day, but I don’t. I guess it’s a good thing because I won’t gain more weight than needed.

Those are just the top 5 things I’ve noticed during my pregnancy. It’s has been a beautiful experience and I’m enjoying my daughter kicks/punches. I find her to be extremely funny and I can only imagine what joy she will bring to my life when our eyes meet.

Until next time xoxo

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That’s My Best Friend

Growing up, I wanted to be everyone’s friend. I didn’t care if they treated me right, I just wanted a friend. Although, last year was very challenging, I did discover something….ME. Not only did I find out I was pregnant, but I learned how to be a friend to myself.

Often times, we put so much pressure on others to be that support system or that “friend” we can pour all of our troubles to. But, we have to realize that we have to be that type of friend to ourselves. Of course, people love you and want to be here for you, but they have things they go through as well. It’s not fair that we place them on this pedal stool to be everything we lack.

We are energy beings that feeds off of both positive and negative energy. If we are constantly dishing out our worries and our insecurities on our friends, then it can become draining for them. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t vent to your friends, because if they are truly your friends, then they would listen. However, we have to find a balance.

I found that balance and it is and has taken me sometime to understand how to be a true friend to myself. I value my peace of mind and I am protective of my space. So, I will not allow anyone to invade what God and I worked so hard to build. Was it an easy journey? No. I’ve had plenty of people in my life drain me mentally and physically, but, I didn’t care as long as we were “friends”, it was okay.

At 25, I have learned to be my own best friend. I’m learning to seek God and myself for the troubles that arise in my life, before considering going to a friend. I go on brunch and movie dates by myself now. I take myself to get my nails done and I am in the process of traveling alone. I now understand that just because my friends cannot do something with me, doesn’t mean they don’t care. Just because they cannot answer every call doesn’t mean they don’t care. Just because they call me there friend doesn’t mean they are my friends.

Friendships are just like a romantic relationship. It’s two people contributing to a platonic relationship and not becoming or draining that relationship. I truly believe when we learn to be our own best friends, we won’t allow the wrong people in our lives and we will appreciate the genuine friends we do have.

Remember, you only can learn how to be a true friend, by being a true friend to yourself.

Until next time xoxo

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Fitness Pregnancy

As you may know, I have gotten into health and fitness over the last few years. I feel when you’re healthy and looking good, you’ll feel good. In the beginning of my pregnancy, I wasn’t working out as much and I was indulging in plenty of sweets!

I was reading an article about how to have a healthy pregnancy, and fitness and eating the right foods was on the top of that list. Also, many years before I became pregnant, I said I didn’t want to gain a lot of weight whenever I had a child. So, I decided to hit the gym.

I have a friend I workout with and she is also pregnant. To my surprise, her daughter is due in September. So, I figured this was a perfect match! We typically workout 3 times a week and it’s nothing too strenuous.

I’m going to share with you a few reasons why I believe working out while pregnant is beneficial.

  1. It builds confidence: pregnancy brings on a ton of emotions and feeling attractive is something women struggle with during this time. I know going to the gym for me, helped give me a boost of confidence. Although, I’m growing a human, I’m looking good while doing it.
  2. It releases stress: I don’t know about you, but pregnancy can be extremely stressful….if you allow it. Going to the gym helps me to release my stress hormones and provides a space for me to clear my mind.
  3. Strengthens your muscles: My doctor informed me that working out during pregnancy will help to strengthen the muscles I’ll be using to give birth to my daughter. I figured, working out during my pregnancy could help my delivery go a lot smoother.
  4. It’s relaxing: I tried water aerobics for the first time and I will be doing this class once a week now. But, I felt extremely relaxed after taking the class and I laughed a ton! It’s something about the swaying of the water and jumping up and down that cracks me up. I forgot how much I enjoyed being in the water and just letting my body float.

Those are my top 4 reasons for working out during pregnancy. Of course, there are plenty of more reasons, but I thought those were the most important. Also, make sure you get clearance from your doctor. Your doctor knows you and your body very well. They know what will or won’t cause harm to the baby.

I’ve also included a few photos below! Make sure to check it out.

Until next time, xoxo

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Find Your Voice

My pregnancy has helped me to find my voice and myself. I’ve been on this self discovery journey for a few years now and I’m still on it, but I can finally see me at the end.

For as long as I could remember I have always been a people pleaser. If it would make others happy, despite if it caused me pain, I’d do it. It was better for them to be happy than me. I’ve dated plenty of jerks in my life and each time I put aside my feelings to please them. To be honest, my eagerness to please people went beyond romantic relationships. I often found myself wanting to please the entire world, from coworkers, to friends and family, and even church folks.

What I found in all of that is depression and anger. I pleased everyone at the expense of myself and it caused me to regret many things in my life. However, finding out I was pregnant was my breaking point. I thought becoming pregnant outside of marriage deemed me as damaged goods. I mean, it is a sin to have a baby out of wedlock, right? While that may be true, God has forgiven me and I have forgiven me.

My baby has saved me in more ways than I can say. For the first time, I’m finding out who I am and not caring what others think. I refuse to allow myself to remain broken, in order to please others. It’s not fair to my child. I now speak up and stand for what I want. I’m understanding what love really is and it’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve accepted some hard truths about my life and my journey, and rebuked false truths and people’s perception of me. Truth is, it doesn’t matter what other people say. It only matters what you say and what you believe to be true. The world can be a cruel place and if you allow your voice to be mute, and you don’t figure out how to truly love yourself, it will destroy you. My pregnancy has taught me that people will always have something to say. It’s only what you or myself believe to be true.

God said, “he has plans to prosper me and to not cause me harm. He has plans to give me hope and a future”. I believe and know that to be true. So, to hell what statistics and people have to say! I’m here to tell you to embrace your journey and create the best damn life there is!

Until next time xoxo

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Feeling Forgetful???

I believe I am semi organized and I tend to remember the things that I have planned for the day or month. However, I have been having a very difficult time remembering things.

It’s this thing that’s called, “pregnancy brain”. Yeah, I know! Sounds crazy right? I didn’t know this was a thing until my best friend told me. So, I researched it and to my surprise it was definitely a thing. If you had a hard time remembering things before, now that you’re pregnant, it’s going to be even more challenging.

Work was the most challenging for me. I have always excelled at everything I did and I’m a hard worker. For some odd reason, I kept forgetting to do my daily task at work. No matter how many sticky notes or reminders I had set, I still managed to forget. I became so overwhelmed and stressed, that I’d cry every day about forgetting the smallest things. I would plead that I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I just forgot or couldn’t remember to do certain things.

Well, I am here to tell you that there is a method to this madness. Check out a few suggestions I have below that can help you stay on task and fight the “pregnancy brain” phenomenon.

  1. Relax: Understand that your entire body is going through changes, and it will take some time to adjust.
  2. Get a planner: Having a planner can help you to stay organized and help you to plan ahead.
  3. Write down your schedule in your phone calendar: We always have our phones and when you set your alarms or place certain things within your calendar, your phone reminds you.
  4. Download a “To Do List” on your phone: Having an app like this will be extremely helpful. It will remind you that you have things you need to accomplish for the day.
  5. Do the task right away: If you must schedule a meeting or do certain things at work, do it right away while it’s fresh on your mind.

These are just a few things I have done to help me become more organized. I still forget things, but I have gotten a lot better! Always remember to take it day by day and to not beat yourself up. You’re growing a human for crying out loud and it’s okay if you forget something’s.

Until next time xoxo

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Make It Happen Monday

To ensure you’re staying on task and getting things accomplished, you must make a list! When you’re making your list, it’s important to be realistic. Don’t say you’ll accomplish 20 things for one day, when you’ll only get to 5 of those things. When you set unrealistic goals for the day or even monthly goals and you don’t achieve them, it makes you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing. When in fact, you just stretched yourself too thin.

I’m going to break something down for you, so make sure you write this down or simply research it.

There is 365 days in a year. Which breaks down to 7 days a week. Which then breaks down to approximately 8,760 hours within a year.

If you’re in business for yourself or you work for someone, that’s typically an 8 hour shift. You have 16 hours remaining in the day and that’s not counting the time you have to eat, sleep, and spend time with the people you love. So, realistically you may have about 5 hours (give or take) to accomplish the goals you set out for yourself for the day.

I’m saying all of this to say, be realistic when you plan for your day. Don’t overwhelm yourself, but stay true to what you said you would do.

I for an example, set at least 4-5 goals to accomplish daily. I set monthly goals as well. I take in account my schedule and evaluate what needs to get done. I set a priority list to a non priority list. When I accomplish all 5 of those things, I feel really good about myself.

So, here is my challenge to you for the week.

  1. Make a list.
  2. Prioritize the most important to the least important.
  3. Have at least 5 things on your list that you can do on a daily basics (Be realistic).
  4. Execute the list.

Remember, whatever you say you’ll do for the week, hold yourself accountable.

Until next time xoxo

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What Are YOU Thinking??

If you’re anything like me, at one point you thought you were invincible. In a way, you thought only bad things could happen to other people, except you.

“I’m a child of God. Nothing bad can happen to me”.

“I’m striving to live a righteous life. So, nothing bad can happen to me”.

“I got to church every Sunday. So, nothing bad can happen to me”.

I am here to admit that bad things can happen to anyone. God never said we wouldn’t have difficult times or bad times. However, he promised he would be here with us every step of the way and we would get through it.

Becoming pregnant at 24 wasn’t the worse thing that could happen to me. Let’s face it, I could be dead or have some terminally ill sickness. However, I was blessed to conceive a baby. Of course, I don’t promote having a child out of wedlock. But, it happened and I have been forgiven…I’ve forgiven myself.

We have to be careful with how we perceive things and what we allow to hold root in our hearts. I could’ve allowed this situation to let me become bitter and give up on my dreams. However, I choose to look at the positive. I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I was blessed to conceive a baby girl and when she arrives, I’ll be blessed to hold her in my arms.

Life throws us many curve balls and challenges. It’s up to us to change our perception of those difficult times that arise. It’s up to us to look at the positives in all situations and say we will get though it. It’s up to us to not allow the hardships to swallow us whole.

Yes, you had a plan. So, did I.

Yes, life isn’t fair! But, who said it was supposed to be?

Yes, it hurts. But, it’s the pain we feel that makes us stronger.

I’m able to smile during my pregnancy and really smile, because my baby is my biggest blessing thus far. Changing your mind is the best thing you can do when you’re going through the storm. Remember, storms don’t last forever. You must stand your ground and hold your head high, while the storm passes.

Until next time xoxo

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Be Fabulous

Who said you couldn’t be fabulous and pregnant?? From research and my own personal experience, a lot of women admit to not feeling attractive while pregnant. In the beginning, I felt the same exact way. I started telling myself all the things I couldn’t do and couldn’t wear because of my growing baby.

To be honest, not getting dolled up and doing things that make yourself feel pretty will cause you to become depressed during your pregnancy.

Who says you cannot be fabulous and pregnant?

Who said you couldn’t get dolled up and hang out with your friends?

Who said you couldn’t wear that tight fitting dress that hugs all of your curves?

Being pregnant doesn’t enable you from doing things that make you feel good about yourself. If anything, you should embrace your beautiful bump!

I get dressed up and go out with my friends often. I even take myself on dates. I believe it’s when we change out mindset about our pregnancy, is when we will truly enjoy it.

Yes, I am pregnant. However, I’m still F…A…B…U…L…O…U…!

I’ve included some photos below of a few outfits I put together thus far during my pregnancy.

Even a little makeup goes along way. Don’t hide away the entire 9 months. Embrace your beautiful bump and your bundle of joy!

Until next time, XOXO

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Forgiveness Is Key

I had a plan. When I was younger, I imagined life would be this pretty perfect picture. I’d go to college, get a career job, fall in love, get married, and then have a baby.

At 25, I realized whenever I tried to control every aspect of my life, it became the most out of control. I did graduate college and had a boyfriend at the time. However, 3 years after graduating, I am single and having a baby.

I NEVER in a million years thought I’d be a single mother. I know I wasn’t doing things to ensure I wouldn’t be, but I felt invincible. It could happen to everyone else, but me….right? WRONG!

I’ll share something with you guys. The beginning of my pregnancy was very difficult. I was border line depressed. All I could see was darkness and I had no hope for a future. The life that was growing in me made me feel worse.

Here I have this baby, but I’m still trying to figure myself out.

Here I have this baby, but they won’t have a two parent household.

Here I have this baby, but I’m not done being selfish.

This wasn’t supposed to happen to me…right? WRONG!

After speaking with my best friend, something clicked. Yes, I had a plan. But, just because things didn’t go in the order I had imagined doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I had to look within myself and ask God to help me to forgive myself. I know having a baby out of wedlock isn’t the right thing to do, and maybe that’s why I allowed my slip up to convict me.

I wasn’t the child who messed up. I did what I was told and wanted so badly to please my family. However, the beauty of being a parent is that you love your children even when they don’t make the best decisions. You comfort them and support them along the journey. And that’s exactly what my family did. I had to accept that my life isn’t a pretty picture. Nothing will go exactly as planned, but if I keep pushing forward, my wants and dreams will become my reality.

I’m sharing this because, forgiving yourself is the hardest thing to do. You have to realize why certain things happened the way that it did and take accountability. It’s only when we accept our mistakes and faults, is when the healing can start to take place. Forgiving yourself has nothing to do with other people, it’s for you. Life is meant to be a mystery. Knowing what will happen all of the time would be pretty boring. So, it’s okay to have a plan. However, be okay if that plan doesn’t go exactly how you imagined and forgive yourself of any shortcomings. Forgiveness is the key to living your best life!

Until next time xoxo

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