I had a plan. When I was younger, I imagined life would be this pretty perfect picture. I’d go to college, get a career job, fall in love, get married, and then have a baby.
At 25, I realized whenever I tried to control every aspect of my life, it became the most out of control. I did graduate college and had a boyfriend at the time. However, 3 years after graduating, I am single and having a baby.
I NEVER in a million years thought I’d be a single mother. I know I wasn’t doing things to ensure I wouldn’t be, but I felt invincible. It could happen to everyone else, but me….right? WRONG!
I’ll share something with you guys. The beginning of my pregnancy was very difficult. I was border line depressed. All I could see was darkness and I had no hope for a future. The life that was growing in me made me feel worse.
Here I have this baby, but I’m still trying to figure myself out.
Here I have this baby, but they won’t have a two parent household.
Here I have this baby, but I’m not done being selfish.
This wasn’t supposed to happen to me…right? WRONG!
After speaking with my best friend, something clicked. Yes, I had a plan. But, just because things didn’t go in the order I had imagined doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I had to look within myself and ask God to help me to forgive myself. I know having a baby out of wedlock isn’t the right thing to do, and maybe that’s why I allowed my slip up to convict me.
I wasn’t the child who messed up. I did what I was told and wanted so badly to please my family. However, the beauty of being a parent is that you love your children even when they don’t make the best decisions. You comfort them and support them along the journey. And that’s exactly what my family did. I had to accept that my life isn’t a pretty picture. Nothing will go exactly as planned, but if I keep pushing forward, my wants and dreams will become my reality.
I’m sharing this because, forgiving yourself is the hardest thing to do. You have to realize why certain things happened the way that it did and take accountability. It’s only when we accept our mistakes and faults, is when the healing can start to take place. Forgiving yourself has nothing to do with other people, it’s for you. Life is meant to be a mystery. Knowing what will happen all of the time would be pretty boring. So, it’s okay to have a plan. However, be okay if that plan doesn’t go exactly how you imagined and forgive yourself of any shortcomings. Forgiveness is the key to living your best life!
Until next time xoxo
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