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YOU CAN DO IT

I was watching this video my publisher posted on Facebook about New Years Resolutions. She made a very great point about how we always say this year I am going to do X, Y, and  Z and we never do it. Sure, we may start off the first two weeks with every intention on achieving our goals, but our laziness kicks in…following our lets give up attitude.

She made the suggestion of declaring you will do X, Y, and Z. By telling yourself you will do something, you are allowing your mind to switch itself. Take a look at my post about shifting your mind.

So, I want you to declare today… you will achieve X, Y, Z this year!

I will self publish two more books by the end of 2017.

I will travel this year

I will sell 50 copies of my book.

I will have 5 speaking engagements set up this year.

I will have a profitable freelance writing business.

I will connect with other artists and other people this year.

I will have a further relationship with the lord.

I will have a healthy… successful relationship with my boyfriend.

See, it helps to switch your mindset from being negative to positive. Whatever it may be, just know YOU are in control of your future. God wants the best for his children…you just have to claim and go after it!

Let me know some of your declarations for 2017!!!

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2016 Recap

2016 was a tough…refreshing…and a rebirthing year for me. If you have been following my posts, you will know I had a very bad breakup at the beginning of the year. Looking back, it was not as bad as I thought. See, my ex and I dated in high school. He was the first guy I loved and I told him God brought us back for one or two reasons, and I was not sure which one it was at the moment. God knew I could not move forward and accept the man he had for me without letting go of my past relationship and hurt. My ex was my comfort zone and I never fully allowed myself to heal and let go of all of the hurt he caused me in the past. When he ended things, I had no choice to do so.

I faced all of my darkest demons this year and I will admit it was not a easy thing to do. Somethings I had tucked away and I refused to deal with them. However, God told me I had to forgive myself…I had to forgive the people that hurt me. There were days I wanted to throw in the towel and just lock myself in my apartment, but I did not. Instead, I pushed though. I pushed through all of the voices in my head telling me to quit. I pushed through all of the voices in my head telling me I would never be loved. I pushed through the voices that told me I would not publish another book and have them become the best seller. I pushed through all of the negative thoughts and I am happy I did.

2016 was a year for me to accept who I am as a woman, to close doors, to develop a stronger relationship with God, to embrace the woman I am becoming and to not apologize for anything. 2016 was a year for forgiveness and pushing through the challenges in life.

I have said goodbye to childhood friends and developed a strong appreciation for the people I have in my life. My new motto is, as long as I have God and I believe in my dreams, that is all of the support I need in my life. God has blessed me to have met and connect with some amazing people this year and I am truly blessed.

Despite all of the tears that were shed this year, I would not trade my journey for anything. I had to go through the ups and downs to get me to where I am now. I am excited for 2017 and I am excited to connect with you all!!!

Let me know how your 2016 went, whether good or bad!

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How to have a successful relationship!

Although, I am 23 years old, I feel I have some pretty good pointers on how to have a prosperous and healthy relationship. Not only have I had a class or two on romantic relationships, but I study them a lot. Now, I am not saying what I am suggesting will automatically allow you to have a perfect relationship and or fix what’s wrong in your relationship, because no relationship is perfect and it takes two willing individuals to make the relationship work. However, the advise and pointers I am providing, will help guide you to having a healthy relationship.

Listed below are the 5 top things  (with 1 extra) I believe will lead you to have a prosperous and healthy relationship!

  1. Love yourself: Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself/ man. When you truly love yourself, you are able to fully love someone else. You have accepted and embraced the person you are and you will not tolerate or let anyone tear you down, because you know your worth. Too many times we look for our men to validate our worth and to tell us we are beautiful, when we should be telling ourselves that. I’m not saying he cannot compliment you, because he should. However, when you wait for him to validate the woman you are, then you’re kinda setting yourself up for disappointment. Truth is, sometimes your man may not compliment you in the way you want him to. And that should be okay, because you don’t need him to validate the woman you are. You all ready know you are the ish and what you bring to the table, so when he does compliment you, he is only re stating what you already know.
  2. Trust: When you do not have trust in a relationship…you have nothing. You cannot have a successful relationship with someone when you don’t trust them. Given, trust is something that is gained over time. However, don’t be so quick to accuse him of doing something if you don’t have any proof or if he is not giving you any reason to believe he is doing so. NOT ALL MEN CHEAT. We tend not to trust someone because of our past hurt or our guy is doing something we don’t like. If that is the case, communicate that. Address the issue and nip it in the bud before it is too late. No good man wants to be constantly accused, just like us good women don’t.
  3. Communication: Communication is key! If you are not able to effectively communicate, then you will have a lot of problems that will go unresolved. Whether it is good or bad, you have to openly communicate about what is bothering you. If you are keeping everything bottled in, how is your guy supposed to know what’s going on? Men are not mind readers and if you want him to understand what is going on and why you are upset, you have to tell him. You have to always be willing to hear what he has to say when he lets you know what is bothering him as well. It is a two way street.
  4. It is okay to spoil him sometimes: We get so caught up in “it is all about us” syndrome. I partly blame society for that. We tend to point the fingers at the opposite sex and we get caught up in this competition. Where, if you are in the right relationship and you are both committed to reaching the same end goal, you are not in competition with one another. It should never be tit for tat. When you get into that type of pattern, you are in trouble and you may want to address that ASAP. Believe it or not, men like to hear they are handsome and that you like what they have on. They like to be treated to a date just as much as we like to. We should never forget about them and make it all about us. Truth is, that is a major turn off to men and most cheating occurs because they did not feel appreciated and or loved.
  5. Continue to date each other: We tend to get comfortable when we have been in relationships for 1 plus years. We cannot do that. You have to do the things you did in the beginning, because life is not going to become easier, it will only become more challenging. If you are not taking time out of your day and or week to just hang out with one another, it can become so easy to forget about each other. If you have to create a date night jar, do so. It can help keep things spicy in your relationship. You don’t want it to get to a point where you are barely hanging and or speaking with one another. That is where cheating comes into play and secrets are created, and I know you don’t want that. Date night does not have to be expensive either. You can have a movie night or a night where you cook his or her favorite meal. 
  6. *** Compromise: You have to willing to compromise. It cannot always be your way. Sometimes you have to put aside your shego and let your man win the battle sometimes. It does not mean what you had to say is not important, it just means you understand sometimes you have to meet him in the middle.

There are numerous of other things you can do to have a successful and healthy relationship. Those are just my favorite top 6.

Having a long lasting and healthy relationship takes time and dedication. There will be times you may want to call it quits and or don’t like one another. That is life. You have to evaluate why you are upset and communicate what is bothering you so you are able to move forward. Nothing worth having is going to come easy. However, you should never stay in a unhealthy relationship though (I will have more post about this) because you are afraid to start over.  Being in the right relationship is a beautiful thing and it is something that is to be enjoyed and not taken for granted.

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me vs ME

The best thing about 2016 was accepting who God created me to be. No, I am not perfect. In fact, I am a working progress. However, I am enjoying the journey. When you stop comparing yourself to everyone around you and start embracing who you are, that my friend is when you truly find inner peace.

You find yourself a lot happier and pleasant to be around. I know a lot of people (I am guilty as well) want to lose weight, because some idiot said we had to be in order to be beautiful. When in reality, you are already beautiful. If you want to lose weight, do it for you, and not for anyone else.

Accepting ones self is the key to moving forward in life. We often spend our entire lives wanting and praying for what others have. Not knowing what the other person has done to obtain the things they have. When you are truly happy with who you are, you are able to be truly happy for others.

I am no longer afraid to stand up and be who I am, because God did not make a mistake when he made me. And he did not make a mistake when he created you.

The best part about accepting yourself and all that you offer, is knowing there is not another person out there that is like you. Yes, they may have the same name as you and or similar traits as you. However, THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER YOU.

So vow to go into the new year with the intent to love and embrace who you are!

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Feeling Down Lately?

Have you been feeling down lately? And I am not talking about the kind of down where you had a bad day at work. I am talking about the kind of down where all you want to do is crawl under your blanket and sleep all day. The kind of down where you have no energy to do anything. The kind of down where you are mentally and physically drained. Well, if this is you, please know you are not alone.

I suffered from a great deal of depression in my lifetime and it was not due to anything anyone else did, I just was unhappy. Have you ever gotten out of the bed and just wanted to disappear? Have you cried for no reason and could not explain why the tears were falling down your face? I’ve been there and I am writing this to let you know, you are not alone.

Did you know:

  • Depression affects 1 in 10 Americans at some point in their life.
  • Depression can affect your overall life. It can cause obesity, heart disease, and  strokes.
  • Women have higher rates of depression than men.
  • 80% of Americans are suffering from depression, but are not receiving any medical help.
  • Depression has been linked to suicides and people often have suicidal thoughts.

(Check out some resources here: http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/statistics-infographic. http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/understanding/suicide.aspx).

We all go through things in life. Some people may come across tougher times more often than others. However, please know the storm will pass.

If you have to…cry…write it down… workout. Do it!

Please do not allow yourself to stay down longer than 24-48 hours, because you will be on your way to a bad funk. Depending on what you’re going through, would determine the kind of funk you are going to be in. And staying in a bad funk for too long can lead to depression.

Life is going to happen whether you are ready for it or not. The thing is, you have to take life by the balls and push through it!

Push through the heartbreaks.

Push through the rejections.

Push through the disappointments.

Push through the hardships.

I can promise you, you will be glad you did.

Just remember you are never alone.

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No Excuses!

When I was younger, the only thing I was ever for sure about was that I was going to write for a living. I often dreamed of writing stories and helping others through my writing, and I knew one day I would reach that dream/goal. Well, it is 2016 and I have achieved that goal! I will have had two books published  (one self published) by the age 23, and I am very proud of myself.

Now, I am not telling you this to brag. I am sharing this with you so you know that your dreams/goals are just as achievable as mines. You have to first change your mind set to a “can do mindset” and to remember to never give up. Writing a book is not easy. It is very time consuming. Just because you think the book will be a good one, does not mean everyone else would like your book. Not only is writing a book time consuming, it is expensive (if you want good quality).

Because writing is something I am very passionate about, I never gave up. I pushed through the challenges and now I am seeing my work in action. I must admit, it feels pretty good!

Whatever you are passionate about, keep going. It does not matter if you have 5…1..0 supporters. As long as you believe in your dream/goal and you have God on your side, then you don’t need anyone else.

This year is quickly ending, and I don’t want you to go into another year with the same mindset. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO.

Vow to conquer the impossible this year.

Vow to make your dreams a reality.

Vow to be happy.

And remember, enjoy the process.

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Note to Self

           Dear self,

My have you grown within the last past months…really years. I remember it like it was yesterday. You graduated college with endless opportunities waiting for you and there was a world awaiting for you to explore it. You vowed to  never settle for less in life and to always love yourself. Well, you did just that. You settled and you did not truly love yourself. You became prettified with fear of being alone and not being whom others wanted you to be…become. You lost yourself. Baby girl, you lost yourself.  You’ve become accustomed to a way of living of pleasing everyone but yourself. You have lost your voice…your strength…yourself.  You hide behind the wall you have built to prevent people from entering your heart. However, that very wall you built has stopped you from being you. You allow the opinions of others to dictate how you feel about yourself…how your life should be lived…what you should be doing…who you should be with or not be with.

Baby girl, how did you get here? How can you be in a world with full of people and still feel alone?  Why do you hate yourself? Why do you allow boys to treat you like trash and not like the queen you are? Why do you care what others say and or think about you? Why are you not allowing your light to shine bright? So many questions to why you are living a limited life, and yet you cannot seem to find the answers… until now.

It is now 2016, and you are finally living for you. It took several disappointments and two heartbreaks for you to appreciate the woman..queen you are. It took for God to make you come face to face with all of the pain that you kept deep within side of you. He had to break your heart. They had to not support you. They had to talk about you. You had to be alone. You had to hit rock bottom.Without these steps taking place, you would not be able to be who you truly are. You are a queen. You are a woman of God. You are amazingly flawed. You’re able to finally love the right man. You’re finally able to blossom into that beautiful flower. You’re finally able to let the world see the real you. In all honesty baby girl, I don’t know why it took you so long. However, I am happy you are ready.

Life is a journey.  The best part about life is that you get to live it the way you want, and not how anyone else wants you to live it. As long as you are pleasing God, nothing else matters. Now, get out into the world and explore all of its beauty. You only get one life to live baby girl, so make it count!

Love yours truly,

 

Chelsea S. Thomas

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