Posted on 2 Comments

Discover You

We all go through phases in life where we need to rediscover ourselves. Whenever you are in a committed relationship you tend to lose sight of yourself. You become accustomed to the relationship title that you are currently in ( role of wife or girl friend, etc.) and you forget about yourself.

In my interpersonal communication class we learned that a relationship is where two people in put things and the keep their individuality. A relationship is not where you become the relationship and lose sight of who you are. Basically when two people contribute to a relationship and they still do the same things that allows them to be themselves, is where you enter into a healthy relationship.

I know I am guilty of forgetting about myself when I am in a relationship. I am a very passionate person and I give my all in everything I do, and I have that same motto when it comes to a relationship. It’s not until after or until God shows me, that I realize I have lost who I was.

**By doing this, this can cause tension in your relationship because, you feel you are losing sight of yourself.

To be honest, I feel like somewhere between the age of 16 and now I lost sight of who Chelsea is and was. I have become accustomed to always being someone’s girlfriend that I forgot about me. I forgot how to enjoy my downtime for when I am single or how to be okay with being alone.

 When you truly know who you are, you are able to date smarter and be okay with being by yourself. You no longer need people to validate you, because God has already done that.

When you want to discover who you are or what that little girls voice is saying on the inside, take a step away from your life. Don’t wait until a breakup happens or something tragic happens. Just take time to yourself and get to know yourself. I guarantee that you will find something new about yourself.

Take yourself out on a date and learn to love yourself! At the end of the day when there is no one else around you, all you have is yourself. So why not discover who you are?

I challenge you today to discover you! I want you to take sometime to figure out the things you like and don’t like, what it is you love to do and not to do, what are your both short term and long term goals. I want you to date yourself (if you’re in a relationship that is okay. You can still do this).

When you truly love yourself and know who you are, that is when you will be able to life a full and happy life!

Like. Comment. Share

Posted on 8 Comments

Motivational Monday (Confidence)

C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.C.E, CONFIDENCE!

The dictionary meaning is the belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. My definition is, believing what God has said about you and to not let anyone still your happiness. 

Having confidence is when you are able to look yourself in the mirror and to be happy with the way God created you! Whether it is having more hips, or booty, long or short hair, being black or white, or having more to love in your mid section. When you’re able to look yourself in the mirror and not care what anyone else has to say, that is when you have reached the true level of confidence my friend!

Confidence is something I struggled with for years, and at times I still do. I know that I am a beautiful person inside and outside, but for some odd reason I cannot shake the comments of the world around me! I have been doing some soul searching lately. I have been reading my bible and praying for guidance and direction. 

God has been revealing to me what he has put deep down inside of me all along. I am beautiful just the way he has created me! I am more than enough and I do not need anyone else approval to be okay with the woman I am and the woman I am becoming!

When God created me, he did not make any mistakes! I have come to love being black (despite society telling me otherwise). I have come to love my curves and my kinky hair! I love the woman I am today, and I will love who I am until the day that I am called home.

I know confidence is something a lot of people  struggle with in today’s society. I believe that is partly because, society tells us that we are not good enough. Society tells us that we should spend countless money to obtain a false look of what we see on television. Society has given us their definition of beauty!

I am here to tell society to KICK ROCKS! I want you to know that you are beautiful the way that God made you. If you want to lose weight, do it for you! Not because someone else told you to. If you want to rock your natural hair, go for it! God did not make any mistakes when he made you. Start holding your head high and walking like you’re somebody! Because the truth of the matter is, YOU ARE SOMEBODY!

You’re beautiful just the way you are my friend.

Like. Comment. Share

Posted on Leave a comment

It’s the weekend! (try something new)

Happy Friday everyone!

If you’re anything like me the weekend is where you get to reboot before the week day starts again. This is the weekend I work, so I will not be doing much of anything. However, I did try something new today.

I am working on my second book! If you’re not familiar with my first one, you can check it out here. My second book raises awareness to alcoholism and drug abuse. I typically write at home on my couch or in my bed. It is one of the places where I do most of my thinking and I feel the most creative there. If you live in Michigan, you know you have to get out while the weather is good.

I decided to write the next chapter of my book in another location today. I though it would be a great idea to write outside or at my mothers house next to the balcony. To my surprise it was on of the best decisions I made today. I went to my mothers house and sat next to the balcony in the backyard. I put in my headphones and the ideas stared flowing!

I am writing this post today, to tell you all to try something new! If you become accustomed to doing the same thing every single day, you will start to drive yourself crazy. You will miss out on the beauty that life has to offer you.  If I would’ve stayed home today, I don’t think I would’ve came up with a plot twist in my book (I am not going to tell you what it is. You will just have to purchase your copy when it is available). I can promise you that I would of had came up with an excuse to not write the next chapter in my book. I would’ve said something like, “I am tired and I need to relax my brain today”.

Every time I get on social media or read the news, I hear about someone passing (majority young people). If God gives you another 24 hours, try something new. Do something that your future self will thank you for. Do something that will get your creative mind flowing. If you have read any other of my posts, you will know my favorite thing to say is “you only get one life to live, so make it count!”

It is the weekend! Enjoy this time with your family and friends. Get out there and try something new (fishing, swimming, jet skiing, a new hair style, etc.). I hope you all have a great and safe weekend.

Like. Comment (what are your plans this weekend). Share

Posted on 2 Comments

Create the life you want

Happy Wednesday everyone!

I purchased this poster a while ago and I finally decided to hang it up in my room. Just in case you were wondering, my Blog is to inspire people spiritually, mentally, and physically. So I hope this post and my other posts encourages you on the daily basics.

This particular poster reminds me to chase and build the kind of life that I want. Do not get me wrong here, it is more so what God has planned for my life, but this poster reminds me to just go for it, and leave all of the excuses behind.

The poster reads:

Live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Be fearless in the face of adversity. Never stop learning. Use your imagination whenever possible. Recognize the beauty that surrounds you. Remember where you came from, but don’t lose sight of where you’re going. Be the architect of you own destiny. this is yours to create.

I have this poster hanging on my wall. As soon as I look to the right, I see it. It helps motivate me in the morning before I start my day, along with me reading the bible and praying in the morning.  

I’m here to tell you that you only get one life to live and you need to make it count! We are going to have ups and downs, but it is about picking ourselves up and trying again. Make a list of everything you would like to accomplish in the next 3-5 years and start putting those things into action. Remember to P.U.S.H (pray until something happens) through the obstacles and NEVER GIVE UP!

Like. Comment. Share

Posted on 12 Comments

Motivational Monday (Letting Go)

There comes a time in everyone’s life where you have to let go of the things that are hindering you from moving forward, and getting the best version of yourself. It can be a job, a relationship, relocating, etc. Today, I am going to be speaking to letting go off a relationship. It can be a letting go to a toxic relationship or letting go of a relationship that came at the wrong time.

Everyone is in different parts in their lives. Some can be in the stage where they are getting married or starting their family. While others are in the stages of developing their careers. I want to make myself very clear here. Just because you are not getting married or starting your own family does not mean you have failed at life. That just means that God has different plans for you at the moment. There is nothing wrong with being single and focusing on yourself!

Society has condition us into believing that we can only be defined by the relationships that we are in or if you do not do certain things by a certain time (get married or have kids), than you will never have those things. I’m here to say, I completely disagree with that! Getting married or having babies happens at different times for different people. Do not, I repeat DO NOT stay in a bad relationship because, you feel that you won’t get married by a certain age. DO NOT stay in a relationship with someone when you know you’re not ready to be in one. It will only damage that person for the next individual.

Being honest with yourself and the person you’re involved with can save both of you a heart ache. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. I dated a guy (I am now single) and everything was great. We made our future plans with one another and we discussed getting married in about two years from now. I thought this would be the last relationship I would be in (I know, crazy right). I honestly felt in my heart that God brought us back together and that things would work out between us this time. Lesson of today is, what you have planned may not be what God has planned for your life.  

Our love story quickly came to an end six months later (I know you may be thinking. Six months, is she crazy? You guys were talking about marriage. He was the first guy I ever loved and we dated in the past. We only ended things because I went to college and I wanted to explore among other things). Anyways, he decided he wanted to be honest with me. He confessed that he was not ready for a relationship and that he needed to focus on himself. You can imagine my disappointment and hurt right.

I became so filled with anger and I have my moments still to this day. I had a very long talk with my father and God opened my eyes, and made me realize that I was also not ready to be in an committed relationship. I have become so consumed with finding the right guy and believing that we were made for one another (that can be the case, but not at this time in my life) that I stopped listening to what God was telling me all along.

The hardest thing for anyone to do is to be honest with themselves and the person they are involved with. I am very grateful that he was honest with me, because it allowed me to be honest with myself. I am at the point in my life where I need to focus solely on myself. It sucks at times because we are great together, but it’s not the right time for us to be in a relationship. So for me, I am letting go of that relationship and moving forward.

It does not always have to be a bad relationship for you to let go. Sometimes it’s not the right time and instead of you staying in that relationship, it’s best to let it go.

So whatever you need to let go, let it go today! Start fresh and move forward.

Like. Comment & Share.

Posted on 2 Comments

Every Penny Counts!

Happy Wednesday!

One of the reasons why I love talking to older people is because, you can learn a lot from them if you simply listen. Saving your money is one thing that older people (like 45 and up) always advise us young folks.

In my previous Blog, I touched on ways you can save (click here to check it out). SAVING YOUR MONEY is the best thing you can do! Lets be honest here, when you are ready for retirement, every penny counts. You don’t want to have to be like the older people you see at Walmart (no offense to the ones that work there. Sometimes you have to what you have to do in order to pay the bills). 

I have listed 5 ways you can save your money below.

1. Create a savings account!  

Creating a savings account can go a very long way. I have two. One is for my student loans and the other is for my retirement. I have a set amount that automatically comes out every week and goes into my saving accounts. You can start with as little as $5 or $25, just put something aside. I do not have a card to either account and they are not attached to my checking account either. One bank I have is very far and lets be honest, I am not driving 45 minutes to pull out money.

2. Save the singles!

Yes, I said it. Save all of your singles. Whenever you break a $5, 10, 20, etc. bill save the singles. Just put them in a box somewhere in your house where you would last think about. Trust me, it adds up! My best friend told me to start doing this and I must say the singles adds up!

3. Change equals dollars!

When I use to work at the bank, people always brought in coins and exchanged them for dollars. I started doing this and I cannot tell you how much I have saved and how much my coins turned into dollars. I don’t spend this money either. I put it in my savings accounts (most likely I split the amount between my retirement and loans account).

4. Create a budget sheet!

I write down my daily expenses and my bills about every month (they vary from month to month at times. Depending on what I added to my bills). I calculate up how much I get paid monthly and weekly and I subtract the money I’m saving, groceries, and my bills. With whatever I have left I put up about $5 for emergencies (they can happen and most times they happen unexpected).

5. Don’t over spend!

I’m not saying you cannot go on a vacation and you need to live on a tight budget. However, lets be honest here, we all deserve to splurge a little every now and then. I’m just saying do not over buy what you do not need. Most times when we make more money we spend more money on things that will not benefit our lives because we can.

The main thing I have been advised by my grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins, is to SAVE MY MONEY. They told me to learn how to make an investment as well. I guess that would be the 6th way to save your money.

***(Bonus) 6. Invest your money!

Learn about investments (stocks, trades, CD’s, etc.) and invest your money. Investing your money is one of the best things we can do at our age. It starts when your young. It may suck at times, but trust me it will pay off.

Let me know what you think! If you have any other ways you know how to save, leave a comment.

Like, Share, and Comment!

 

Posted on 10 Comments

Motivational Monday (Do what’s best for you!)

I was told my entire life to go to school and to get a GOOD job. No one ever asked me what I wanted to do with my life. No one ever asked me if I wanted to start my own business or to travel, or anything. My parents just told me to go to school and get a GOOD job. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for my parents. My parents did a hell of a good job raising me!  I learned first hand what hard work looked like. I also learned first hand what kind of life I did not want.

When I was in college, I was originally there to make my father proud. I did not think about what career field I wanted to go into, or what my definition of success looked like. I just knew I had to get a degree to make my father proud.

It was during my 3rd year in college, I came to the conclusion that I was in school for me and not my parents. I like to think my college professor had something to do with turning on a few light bulbs in my head. She challenged me to think about the kind of life I wanted and how I would get there. I thought long and hard about my career and what success looked like to me. 

I based EVERYTHING on money. I figured if I made enough money I would be happy. Boy was I sadly mistaken. MONEY DOES NOT BUY YOU HAPPINESS! When I graduated after applying to about 20 jobs (I was rejected from all of them except for one. I did not have enough experience. Whatever that means). I was devastated from the rejection. So, I quickly accepted the first job that took a chance on me. I did not think about how this job would benefit my future and how it would help get me to the next level.

I will say this, the job I currently have has been a blessing. I know at times I don’t see what God is doing, but I know he is working on something bigger for my life.

I wanted to get my masters degree (MBA) because I felt like I had to obtain one in order to be successful (again, define what your level of success is. It will help you a lot when making decisions). That is not an acceptable reason (to me anyway) to get a masters degree. To help me better make my decision, I stared researching the filed I wanted to go into and how much I would make (again, money does not bring you happiness! It brings you more bills).

I prayed and asked for direction. I wrote down my definition of success. In case you’re wondering, my definition of success is being able to spend time with your family. When you can travel the world for a living, have all of your bills paid up until 6 months, no reoccurring debt (credit cards and loans), and help people have a positive life. Well my friend, that is when I have reached MY LEVEL OF SUCCESS. 

I want you all to know that this is YOUR LIFE and not anyone else! You have to go after the things that will make YOU HAPPY and will benefit YOUR FUTURE. It’s okay to listen to your loved ones opinions. But they are just that, OPINIONS. Nobody cares about their opinions! You only get one life to live, and I know you don’t want to live it based on what someone else told you how you should live your life. 

I am working everyday  towards becoming a successful business woman. I can officially call myself a writer and author (In case you have not purchased your copy. Click this now to get your copy of my book).  Currently, I am working to go into law (future lawyer alert). I am saying this to you all, DON’T WAIT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO DISCOVER YOUR VOICE, YOUR PASSION, AND YOUR DREAMS. Everyone is not going to understand why you want to to things you want to do, but that is okay. It’s not their jobs to understand. It’s your job to MAKE YOUR DREAMS A REALITY.

Like. Comment, and share.

Posted on 6 Comments

Date with a purpose!

If you’re anything like me, I had my fair share of dating. I know you may all be thinking, you still have some growing up to do. You have a lot to learn about dating. You’re only 23! You are correct when you say that I have plenty to learn, but I had my fair share of dating, and I think I am allowed to give some advise on it.

At 23 years old, I must say that I have developed a pretty solid list for some “Do’s and Don’t tolerate dating tips”. I know that things will change in my life and I have a lot to learn about the world around me. However, I have learned over the years to date with a purpose. No one likes their time to be wasted! I know you might say, it’s never a waste of time to date someone or be committed to someone, because you develop what you don’t want in a guy.  I will have to disagree with you on that one. You can tell a lot about a persons motives within a few weeks or months of knowing them.

If you ask, God will show you numerous of signs to not invest your time into someone. We as women just choose to look the other way, because we see what our men can become. I’ll give you an example. I dated this one guy and he was very sweet. He always complemented me on my appearance. My parents even loved him! I had decided to be celibate prior till dating him, and I told him that I was celibate and the reasons for me being celibate. He convinced me that he was okay with my decision and that there was no pressure.

It was right before my birthday, he decided that he did not want to be celibate and that if I did not partake in sexual relations with him, he would have to end things. Well, no surprise there, we ended things. I was heart broken and after a few weeks went by and I decided to go back on my commitment that I made to myself. Fast forward time, we’re no longer together, and I felt ashamed of myself. I vowed on that day to never settle for less than what I deserve. God showed me the signs in the beginning to walk away, but I thought I could convenience him I was worth the wait.

I know I got a tad bit personal there, but I just wanted to share that with you guys before I went into my list. Whenever you’re dating someone, remember these 5 golden rules

1. DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS & DO NOT THINK THEY ARE TOO HIGH!!!

I cannot count how many times a guy told me that my standards were too high, and that I was going to be single FOREVER! I’m not sorry, that I respect my body and myself enough not to give myself to every guy that comes across my path. I’m not sorry that I like to go out on dates and have meaningful conversations about what’s going in the world. I’m not sorry that I believe in God and that I want the man I am with to have a relationship (or working towards one) with him as well. I’m not sorry that I require the guy I am dating to be productive with his life (I mean if I am out here working, I expect for you to do the same). I have come to the conclusion that my standards are not too high, that guy is just not the one for me.

2. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DISCLOUSE YOUR SEX LIFE

When I was dating in the past (I am involved in a committed relationship now) I had plenty of guys ask me about how many people I have been involved with, and if I was a virgin. I used to feel obligated to share that information with them, because when I date someone I plan on being with them. Looking back at everything, the guys that asked me that just wanted to have sexual relations with me. When they realized that we were not going to have sex, they left. If a guy is really interested in you, he would not pressure you or make you feel obligated to share that kind of information with him on your first couple of dates. That is a clear indication (in my opinion) that he just wants sex.

3. LEARN TO DATE

Dating is a time where you can figure out what you like and what you don’t like. You don’t always have to get serious with the person. If it leads to a relationship, then that’s great. However, do not force it. Also, when you are dating, just date. Do not give away all that you are to someone who is only offering you half of them. They call it the honeymoon phase (first 6 months), that’s when you can determine if you’ll be able to truly tolerate them or not. Basically, in this phase you’re both extremely nice to one another, and you’re not 100% your true self.

4. LOVE YOURSELF

Loving yourself is the best thing you can do in this life. When you truly love yourself you will not tolerate any BS.

5. DATE WITH A PURPOSE

You should always date with a purpose. That does not mean that every person you date will be your boy friend or future husband. That means learn to put guys into separate categories. You can have your strictly male friends in one, your just dating guy in one, and this is who I want to potentially build with in another. The guy that you want to build with, make sure he meets all of your qualifications for the man you would like to marry one day. Create a check list  and see how many categories he fits in. Bring up the future plans (does he intend on saving, how many kids does he want, does he want to get married, does he want to travel, etc.). Trust me, by having these conversations you can determine if this is the person you want to be with.

These are just something’s I believe are important for people to know when dating. I’m not a relationship coach or anything. Although, I have taken a few interpersonal communication classes in college, I feel that people should date with a purposes. I honestly believe it will save a lot of heartaches and wasted time. If we learn to pay attention to all of the signs, we can walk away from the toxic relationship early on, rather than later. I have learned a lot to be the age that I am, and I do not believe there is anything wrong with dating to allow you future husband to stumble across your path.

Please like and give me feedback on what you think below!

Posted on 6 Comments

5 Things to do in your early 20’s!

I am 23 years old, and I feel like I can put together a decent list of the things people should do in their early 20’s! lol.

1. TRAVEL!!!!!!!

I cannot emphasize this enough! Traveling in your early 20’s when you don’t have any real obligations, is the best thing you can do. I promised myself  I would travel to another state or out of the country at least 3-4 times a year. I know if you’re anything like me, you have the “college debt” clawing at your pockets. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but budgeting your money goes along way. So far this year, I have been to Miami and Atlanta. I am in the process of plaining a trip to New York and Chicago before the year is out.

Yes, I have a fulltime job and plenty of bills, but if you learn how to save your money, you’ll get to do more (I’ll go into more details very soon).

2. SAVE AND BUDGET YOUR MONEY!!!

I learned at a pretty early age of how to budget and save my money. When I was younger, my father would give me money for lunch or to go out with my friends. I never spent the entire amount of money he gave me. I would spend enough to enjoy the activity we were doing. When I went to college, I worked part time and went to school full time. Money was very tight for me. I had an apartment, car note, cell phone bill, utility bills, etc. I decided to figure out where I could save money and live comfortably. Currently, I have two bank accounts. Both banks have a checking and a savings account. At one bank, my savings account is stickily to pay off my student debt (I have a plan to have my student loans paid off by the age of 30), and the checking account is there just in case I have an emergency (you never know when you might run into a medical expense or food expense).

My primary bank account is where I have my savings account for my retirement and my checking account is where my bills come out of. I know this may be a lot and you’re probably thinking how in the heck am I going to do this. Well, all you have to do is set your payments to where it automatically goes into another account. I don’t have a card to my second account, and my bank is very far. Whenever I think about taking money out, I realize I don’t feel like driving that far. It helps me not to touch the money that I put aside. You can start with $25 and split that up into the different accounts. I promise you, you’ll see progress and you’ll be grateful that you did put that money aside (I’ll go over in more details in another Blog about saving tips).

3. DON’T SETTLE!!!

I repeat, do not settle! Don’t settle in your relationship, health, and career. There is nothing worse than settling in life! Even if you have a child at an early age, that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Yes, you have to do things differently because you have a child to think about. However, that doesn’t mean you have to give up! If you don’t like your job, quit. If you’re no longer wanting to be in a committed relationship, there is nothing wrong with letting it go. It is never too late to develop a healthy lifestyle either. Everyday that God allows us to live, we should be enjoying our lives. 

4. DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE!

I often asked myself, who I was. Was I the person who wanted to go into a sales environment. Did I want to work for someone my entire life or did I want to start my own business. Was I a relationship type of person or did I enjoy being by myself. I asked myself numerous of questions everyday, and I explored a lot during college. I realized, I love being in a relationship. I just didn’t like being in the wrong relationship. I realized that there is more to life than working a standard 9-5 job, and I am going to open up my open business. I realized that I was living for myself and not my parents. This is my life to live and I get to say how I want to live it, not them.

5. TRY NEW THINGS!

Never be afraid to try something new. I never in a million years would’ve thought that I would wear my hair natural. I decided to try something new my junior year in college and I absolutely love being natural! Being natural has given me the confidence that I have never had before. I have been natural for about 3 years now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I also tired becoming a vegetarian after watching a documentary on how animals are treated (I only lasted a week, but I have given up pork). The point I am making here, is to try something different!

All in all, we’re young and this is the time for us to have fun! It’s time to try new things and get out of our comfort zones! My favorite thing to say is, “you only get one life to live, so make it count”.