Life is all about the choices we make. Whether we’re making the right ones, will determine the outcome of our future. I’m 23 years old, and I can honestly say I’ve made some decisions that has affected my present life.
The biggest mistake I’ve made in my life was staying in Michigan and not leaving the state to attend college. I honestly believe choosing to stay home for school has put me in the mindset of being fearful of change. I’m told change is a great thing and I should embrace it, but I cannot help the part of me that’s afraid of change.
The next biggest mistake I’ve made my entire life was to base my decisions on whom I involved with at the time. I was in a relationship when I went to college 5 years ago, and we broke up my first year in college. I told myself that I wouldn’t make that same mistake again. In 2015, I could’ve moved out of state, but my now ex told me he would end things with me if I left.
I’m currently enrolled to start my masters program in the Fall of this year, and my now excuse is that I’ll leave when I graduate in two years. I’ve come to the conclusion that I make numerous of excuses for not doing the things that are in my heart, because I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid if things change to much, I might be happy with the outcome.
Being truly happy is what scares me, because when you’re truly happy, it’s when you’re vulnerable to disappointments that comes along with it. I’ve convinced myself it’s better to settle for slight happiness, than for full happiness, because you can lose it all. I know that may sound crazy and you may not understand my reasoning behind my thinking. But I can ensure you I’m completely sane.
As I sit here and write this blog, I feel God’s presence asking why don’t I trust him. To be honest, I don’t have the answer to that at this time. I hope to find the answer to that question when I go on my trip to Miami this week.
So for now, I ask you all this. Why do we settle into a life that doesn’t make us fully happy? Why are we so afraid to experience something new? Is it failure that holds us back or uncertainty? Do we not believe or trust in God when he says he will be with us every step of the way?